Hi [name removed],

My doctor also believes that surgery is the only way to cure my vestibulitis. Like you, I only had pain with sex. I used to be able to manage with lidocaine, but as time went on it became more and more painful. Finally, after going to PT and being told that my muscles were essentially normal (when it comes to mind over matter I can do it-- I can relax my muscles for a speculum exam even though I know it will be painful, also same with sex, etc... however, I can't control the pain signals that my vestibule would send to my brain when touched so I decided to have the surgery). I am currently day 1 post op and honestly I feel fine. My pain overall is maybe 2/10 and I don't even have ice on right now. I did take a Vicodin 5 and 800mg ibuprofen but that was a few hours ago. I just walked up and down two flights of stairs to go check my mail and felt completely normal.

Now, obviously I cannot have sex or exercise much beyond walking and other light exercise for the next 4-6 weeks until the incision wound heals, but I'm not on 100% or even 50% bedrest either. My doctor said that I would only be in a lot of pain for the first couple days and then after that I would feel more of a stretching feeling like some women feel after childbirth. I haven't talked to my doctor yet, but I believe that I only had a vestibulectomy from right above the 3 o'clock position to right above the 9 o'clock position (mostly the posterior vestibule).

I know some people on this board and elsewhere have, unfortunately, had complicated, painful recoveries, but it is not that way for everyone. Everyone has a different back story- some people on this board seem to have a pudendal nerve problems, or PFD, or more generalized vulvodynia. I only (so far, knock on wood) had vestibulitis localized in the positions I mentioned above. I could use tampons without pain. I grew up horseback riding. But, for me, 10 years of having pain with intercourse was enough. I didn't want to live/waste another year of my life with that pain. I want to be able to enjoy sex with my hypothetical/future partner as much as a "normal" person. My doctor said the wound would take 4-6 weeks to heal and that the total healing process (e.g., being able to have sex) would take between 4 weeks and 6 months. I've definitely gone longer than 6 months without sex before.

I am generally in good physical shape (i.e., fit) and eat well and this surgery isn't going to change that. I know you mentioned that you were very active and worried about not being able to be active after surgery. I guess it really depends on your doctor and what kind of surgery he/she would do on you. I also noticed that you mentioned your husband would become "angry" when you were not able to finish intercourse yet he does not want you to get "cut" either. This worries me-- I am not a mental health professional-- but anger is a defense mechanism used to control. I can see where he might be frustrated (my longest boyfriend was with me for one and a half years and he was often frustrated, but never angry- especially not during sex. He could be the biggest jerk a lot of the time, but never during sex. He understood that it was simply too painful for me to finish, but there were other ways for him to "finish.") I would encourage you to include your husband on consults with your doctor and have him express his fears so that the doctor could possibly address and allay them. You might also want to see a sex therapist with your husband.

I think it all has to do with getting to the place where you've just exhausted yourself emotionally with the painful intercourse frustration and that kind of pushes you toward being mentally prepared to want to have the surgery. I hope you get there.

I have no idea if my surgery will be "successful" but I am hopeful, and if it not I am sure my surgeon can go in and adjust whatever is not right. Don't resign yourself to a life of painful sex when there are other options. I wish I had had the guts to confront this surgery a year ago but I was in denial to some degree. I kept thinking that this cream or that cream might help, but none of them did. I'm only 29 but I feel like I wasted a decade of my life and that my condition caused all my relationships to fail because what man wants to be with a woman with whom he can't even have sex?